September 27, 2020
Helping others is something that I have always enjoyed doing. Whether it be the people in my community I do not know personally, or my close friends - if I can help someone then I will. It is just who I am. Similarly, capstone is all about giving back to your community. I debated for months which route I would end up taking but eventually decided on collecting feminine products for women in need. There are still a lot of details I need to figure out, like if I am just going to collect items like pads and wipes, or maybe underwear as well. Also, I am not sure if I would give out the “care packages” here in America or send them to women in shelters back home in Bosnia. If done here in America, I would want to possibly give them to women who are in shelters recovering from domestic violence. Furthermore, if I go this route - I need to find which shelters I am going to give them to and when I would be able to go to them. Growing up around several women who were in domestically violent relationships has shifted my view point on several aspects of life, and has been one of the main reasons for why I “go so hard” for women and their rights. Similarly, the culture I have grown up with is extremely sexist and no matter what a man might do to a woman, his “side of the story” is always the only one people pay attention to. So even if a woman does have the courage to leave her husband, she then has to worry about what a community of people have to say about her. These women deserve so much better and it is my goal to bring even the smallest amount of ease to their situation. Feminine products are very expensive and even ones that are not brand names, like the Stop & Shop ones, are still expensive too. Menstrual cycles are hard enough without having to worry about if you are going to be able to afford pads, tampons, wipes, etc. I am blessed to never have to worry about not having something I need and it is important to me to help other women with whatever they might need, too.
October 28, 2020
This semester has been okay so far. I am beginning to apply for colleges and financial aid, but sometimes it feels hopeless. Unless I get pretty good financial aid, I might end up having to go to a community. Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with this and community college is an amazing alternative for a lot of people, as someone who has worked their hardest all the way from middle school - I always envisioned more for myself. A four year university. It has been hard to come to terms with but I understand it may be what is best for me. I know capital has a great pre nursing program and then I can just transfer over to CCSU. I plan on applying to capital, ccsu, usj, and uhart. Goodwin university also has an amazing nursing program but their application is a bit confusing. I got in touch with one of their advisors but I think she may have confused me more. Ideally, I would really love to attend ccsu. It is close to home and I have heard a lot of positive reviews of both their professors and the school overall. But I have to wait to see my financial aid packages before deciding. On the capstone side, I have emailed a few feminine product companies and stores but no one has gotten back to me. I have tried calling some stores and explaining what I am doing but have not had the most positive experience. This has been very discouraging and has me reconsidering my entire capstone. There are a million other ways I can give back, maybe just not in this way at this particular moment. I think I might have to change my capstone to something else if no one else gets back to me but I have to wait and see. I have a few other ideas but for now I am pretty set on my first idea. Other than that, senior year is pretty okay. I cut my hours to focus more on school but I am not that motivated to do much. Online school is so much harder, especially with parents that don’t really care to understand that just because it is over a laptop, I am still technically in school. Getting up is much harder when you know you don’t actually need to be there. I feel as though teachers are being more lenient with us this year (so appreciated) but I still feel much less motivated to complete my work now vs junior year when I was working full time and had a heavy class load. It is so weird.
December 28, 2020
December was an extremely hard month for me mentally. I lost my pet bird Amor. I have had him and Daisy since I was 11. He had some medical issues and we ended up having to put him down on December 2nd. This broke my heart and everyone in my family really had a hard time adjusting, and we all still do. No one has been the same since really, that was our baby. I ended up taking a step back from school and working completely, I just could not find it in me to wake up in the morning and do my work. Most of my teachers were completely understanding and let me make up my work when I got the chance though, this was so nice of them. I didn't really think of college or capstone much. It was not on my mind at all. I was just trying to get out of bed every morning. Regardless though, all of the other stores I had reached out to prior either rejected my request or simply did not reply to me at all. However, towards the end of December I started to push myself back into a routine. I started to work again and started coming to class online. Going in person was much harder though, especially after they split us into two smaller groups. I pretty much only saw my teachers and a few other students throughout the whole day. That is so unlike what I’m used to seeing and it was honestly really hard to adjust to. I did show up online and I tried my best to start making up my work but it is difficult when new work keeps coming in. My grades had slipped a bit but not dramatically, or bad enough to where I could not bounce back from it. I also started to go to the gym regularly again, and try to work out my frustration there. I had finished my college applications and started receiving acceptance letters shortly after. It was a very exciting experience for me, it made me feel a lot better. My first acceptance letter came from CCSU, then USJ. Uhart had not reached back to me in December. However they did send me links to their online open houses. I was starting to look more into the transfer program from Capital Community College to CCSU and I made sure that if I did go that route that all my credits would transfer over. Everyone I talked to was super nice to me and made the process a whole lot easier.
January 29, 2021
January was an okay month. I ended up making up a lot of work and getting my grades back up to an okay place. I tried to attend in person school more regularly and was doing my work on time. I continued applying for various scholarships and got my financial aid package for CCSU. I changed my capstone idea completely. I have decided to conduct a study group, most likely Thursdays during advisory and Wednesdays I will have an open meet. There were a few motivating factors in this decision. The primary one being how badly the senior class is struggling this year. Our senior class is struggling as a whole and while I understand it and have also been going through it myself as well, there is no excuse to be struggling this bad. Senior year is difficult on its own, let alone while living in a pandemic. My friends holding me accountable for my work and presence in school helped me get it together and I know that by making a study club as a safe space for students that are struggling, we can all help one another get back on track. Getting help from adults is sometimes more difficult for students, for various reasons. By creating an environment where students get help from each other, it makes it easier to do better. I am debating on how to set the meet up, maybe I will do breakout rooms based on what subject students need help on, or do breakout rooms for one-on-one help. This I will figure out as the study club begins, seeing what works best for everyone. I also found my mentor this month, I asked Mrs. Zamorskis student teacher from Uconn if she would be interested or knew anyone that would be interested in mentoring me. She wanted to do so and was super excited about it. I am going to invite her to the first meet and ask her for ideas on how to conduct it. At one point I felt like I was not doing enough, previous capstones were so amazing and they made a huge difference. I felt like mine was average. But then one of my friends reminded me that this is exactly what this class needs, and by helping our senior class, we can help them change other lives. I am so excited to see how everything plays out. I hope a lot of students show up and that soon enough there is more students on the road to graduating.
March 8, 2021
February was an eventful month within my personal life, with both good and bad. The month started off on a negative note, with my mom going to the hospital and having a really big health scare. This put a dark cloud over my life and made it very hard for me to keep focused on school work. My mom ended up getting a bit better and I began to once again feel excited for my birthday. The weekend before my birthday, I had an airbnb with a few of my closest friends and we watched movies, played games, and ate lots of food together. The highlight of my trip was Destiny’s gift, she got me a big picture of me and my bird Amor. This was so thoughtful and even made my mom cry. On the capstone side, I was focusing on my research paper. I had finished my proposal earlier on and decided to focus on the question “How has covid affected academic performance?”. The paper was a bit difficult to write, I struggled a lot with what to focus on. The information on the topic was of course limited since there is only about a year of research. Further, finding information on the long term effects of covid on academic performance was near impossible, since of course we are still living through the pandemic. Using the few sources I could find on the long term effects, I had to really dig deep and space out my information in order to make sure I had enough to thoroughly explain the research. Now that my essay is done, I am focusing more on getting my study group up and running. I am going to email teachers that have seniors in their advisory and ask them to encourage their students to join and participate in the club. Or, I may pop into advisory classes and let students know what is happening. They may be more inclined to join if they see me and hear me, because I know they just ignore school emails. I am going to try and get the meets up and running, and I hope there will be even more students now that hybrid students are switching to full time. I thought I would wait for more students to join first but i might as well just begin the meets as soon as possible, since some students are struggling now.
March 31, 2021
March has been one of the best months of my life in years. One morning I just woke up and felt so much happier and at peace than I have been in a long time. That same week I got in touch with a personal trainer and changed my whole life around. I started to do my work on time, pick up shifts at work, and dedicate more time to taking care of myself. I made a few changes within my personal relationships and although it has been hard to adjust, I know the decisions I made are what's best for me long term. I committed to CCSU, and am super excited to be attending there this upcoming fall. I have a few birthday trips planned within the next month or two and I am excited to relax and let loose with my friends. On the capstone front, my club has become more successful. I have started to help my peers outside of my allotted advisory time since some students are not available during that time period. I have helped a few people but I always forget to log my hours but plan on getting on top of that soon. The same few students show up to the club every meet but it is a bit harder to communicate with in person students, since they can not always talk out loud during their advisory. With them I usually wait for replies in the chat or they have me correct essays, that way I can write any necessary comments directly on their paper. If they want verbal feedback, I always try to make time after school, around our work schedules. Overall, I have gotten positive feedback from the students that come regularly. I am trying to encourage other students to show up to the actual meet, but some students just prefer getting help in the afternoon or evening and that is okay too. I got my wisdom teeth out and have been in a lot of pain, as well as being in and out of sleep a lot since yesterday because of the pain medicine I am taking. Doing any of my work has been proven to be difficult as it is hard to maintain focus but I know I have to get it done. I plan to come back in person by May, hopefully after April vacation, but that might change depending on how my mom feels and if she is vaccinated or not. I am super excited to graduate.
April 28, 2021
April was a pretty regular month for me personally. I continued to work on myself and the relationships around me while staying on top of my school work. I visited New York a few times and saw an old friend which was really nice. I spent the first week recovering from my wisdom teeth removal just to get sick over break as well. This hindered a lot of my plans but eventually I just had to get over it. My bird Daisy had an egg which was an extremely stressful situation considering she just laid it on her own (without a male bird present) but if you know her then you know this exactly something she would do. The Islamic holy month of Ramadan started which I was super excited for. This is a month of giving back and humbling yourself, while learning to appreciate all you have been blessed with. On the capstone front there was a lot going on. So many students went back to in person learning full time which negatively affected my study club because now all of the students that joined on a weekly basis were back in classes. Talking during their advisories would disturb their classmates, especially if they did not have headphones and had to hear me too. But, I had decided I would be going back in-person after my mom received both of her COVID vaccines. I am interested in meeting in person during advisory in the library or another classroom that a teacher has free and continuing to make online meets as well if there is a student that needs that help but is at home. I will be back in person next week so this week there will not be a google meet. During this time, I have spent a lot more time helping students outside of the allotted advisory time, on essays and other classwork. The same students have asked for more help which I guess is a positive sign, but I am still interested in helping others. I think when I get back to in-person learning it will be much easier for me to help the students that have a harder time speaking up about needing or wanting extra assistance. Students will feel more comfortable in person than they would over text. Plus since I finish after fourth block, I could help students during fifth block period as well.
May 18, 2021
Although a May journal is not required, I feel like for my own progress it is exactly what I need. This month has been spectacular for my club. In the few weeks I have been back, I have been able to help so many more people with so many more things and I am super happy with my decision to come back in person. In particular, one peer really changed my life. This is a student I completely disliked prior, and if you had told me even last month we would have gotten so close I would have laughed. I had so many misjudgments on their character and if it weren’t for this capstone I would have never gotten to know how they have grown and flourished as a person. They struggled with their journals so that is what we started with, and that's what made me realize I was being too judge mental. This was a person who was going through so many of the same things I was going through and instead of giving them a fair chance I just thought of them in the way they once were, many years ago. I was missing out on such an amazing person because of a grudge I barely remember. I went home that day and reflected on so much, and thought about all the different people who have probably grown and matured so much but aren’t given a fair shot because of the person they once were. I wouldn’t want someone to judge me based on the things I did years ago so why do that to another person? This peer and I ended up speaking outside of the club, and got to know each other better. After a few weeks of helping them they had told me, “I feel like you were sent to me. I really needed a person like you in my life”. This was the aha moment of all aha moments. This was when I realized that I was really making a difference. The club was always beyond just a study group for me, I wanted to help people MENTALLY - by helping alleviate their academic struggles. For me, everything always goes back to helping people mentally because for so many years I did not have that, and I know exactly what it is like to feel lost and without hope. I am so happy with the progress I have made in just a few weeks, and I am beyond proud of my peers. Most of them don’t even need me for the actual work, just someone to tell them they’re perfectly capable of doing it on their own.